narrhen

jag vill verkligen inte vakna upp och insé att det är tisdag och domedagen (matteprov). just nu känns det som att det kan gå hur som. 3 dagar kvar till schweiz föresten!

     

bustier och badräkt från lindex. två superb överdelar att ha till ett par höga jeansshorts.

Relationships are delicate. Both people have to be on the same page. Both people have to be at the same point in their lives, wanting the same things. Cant have any doubts or reservations. Do something too early, and you can taint it. Jump in too quick, you can screw things up. Wait too long, it may be too late. There are so many other variables besides who the person is..you have to consider who they are now, who they will be in the future, if you have the potential as a couple to grow together..are you on the same page and will you continue to be?

I looked at old pictures of me and my ex last night. They seem to have been taken ages ago. We have both changed so much since then, we were so young..we have grown so much since then..I don’t even know who he is anymore, and he has no idea who I am. We were compatible as kids just coming out of highschool who were able to share in the journey of the transition to college together..we shared in the joys of college life, but once we started to grow beyond that..well, who knows. That’s when we drifted apart..last semester changed my life; it made me open my eyes to the world, to my life, to my future, to who I am as a person. I am sure he changed too; he has chosen this mindset for himself and I have chosen this one for myself, and here we are at two separate paths, not connected whatsoever. We are past the transition from highschool to college, to the world of college life, what else do we have in common anymore? do we share the same view of the world? Do we view the same idea of how life should be lived?

Dating someone new: he would hold me back..I think we both know it, and that is why this wont work. He will stay here, working, and I keep talking about my big dreams…we will both end up hurt..I will want him to come with me, and he wont be able to, wont want to..he would want me to stay in Pittsburgh, or even assume I would be moving back to Pittsburgh after New York, which maybe isn't the case. I don’t want an anchor right now, I don’t want to be tied down here..I need to go where the wind chooses to blow: make connections with people where I go, make new friends, settle when I feel most comfortable or return to my home in Pittsburgh if nowhere else seems like home enough for me. Only then will I settle, when I find out where I want to be or I become tired and weary and sick of looking because I have experienced enough and lived it well, had fun, had adventures, and am finally ready to settle down to a place of comfort..whether it be somewhere else or meaning a final return to Pittsburgh. I cant promise him anything. I cant promise anyone anything right now. I am scared to jump into a situation that will tie me down. That’s why I was so scared with my ex…I knew he would tie me down to this place, he was preventing me from spreading my wings. He was weighing me down and I felt the only way to remedy this situation was to carry that weight with me..I expected him to come with me on my adventures, but sometimes some weights are just too heavy to carry I suppose. I will have to leave it behind, I will have to leave him and the idea of him behind. And I cant expect to meet anyone within the next year that could possibly understand this..that could possibly comprehend that I am a rolling stone and I intend to be a rolling stone and I like it that way, I want my life that way. My ex was also preventing me from living my situation now, he was preventing me from living out this time in my life fully, with no reserves..I have lived and had so many experiences at THIS pont in my life, within the last two years, my college years, that I wouldn’t have been able to have had I stayed with him..I wouldn’t have wanted to be tied down, I didn’t want it then and I realize now it was a wise decision for me..I cant have a relationship right now, I am nowhere near ready to settle, to get married, I wont be until I know the PLACE I am happy at, and only then will I be able to plant roots. I cant do it now.

It’s a shame, I am a walking contradiction…I want to be loved, I want someone to love and appreciate me, but how can you love a creature as fleeting as I am..I move, my character changes, I view the world differently each day..I want love, a relationship, comfort and yet I want to carry that comfort with me from place to place everywhere I go and it is not possible and I need to realize that, you can only choose one situation at a time. If I choose to settle with comfort of love before I am ready to, I will undoubtedly end up miserable later in my life, yearning for something more. If I choose to explore before I settle, I will feel accomplished and satisfied that I lived my life to the fullest and now it is time to make a family of my own, to raise other people, children to grow up and enjoy their lives as well. But only when I am finally ready to.

lelove

                        
                                       (tv6.se/catja)
halsbandet kommer från hm och går på ynka 99 kr, men såklart finns det ej i örebro. varför ska det alltid vara så för? nästan så man fick en tår i ögat

jag har nog aldrig haft så här kort hår förut. känner mig naken,rädd, exposed... ja ni fattar. jag tror på det omöjliga att B-vitamin ska få håret att växa, så i helgen blir det massor av öl och jag ber till gud att det hjälper ;)

(bilden är gammal)

hur äckligt bra verkar inte den här? kolla slutet, fyfan

imorgon blir mitt hår kort kort och ännu mer blont! ska bli über skönt. sa jag föresten att jag bara hann hem och smörja in mig med olja innan solen gick i moln, tog bilen till hällabrottet där det var kö, åkte hem och hamna här. Så kan det gå när det är måndag mina vänner.

Efter en 5 km joggingrunda ska jag nu iväg och arbeta.  puss

bevis på att killar är så mycket snyggare i långt hår.

 

pluggapluggaplugga

hoppades att klockan inte skulle vara mer än tio när jag vakna men i själva verket var den efter två. Det är nog första gången på några år det inträffar haha.

såklart måste alltid något strula, nu är bilen trasig troligen bilbatteriet. nej dagen starta inge bra. MEN ikväll är det ut och vaska på strömpan som gäller ;) taggad till tusen

 

jag säger det inte ofta nog, jag älskar er tjejer.

new.

osäker, trött, ledsen ingenting är okej just nu, förutom vädret! Idag ska jag ut på lite oväntade äventyr, mer än så säger jag inte. haha ha en underbar söndag!